Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
