I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
