I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
