Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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