my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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