Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
