he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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