wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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