ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
