THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
