somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
