On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
