i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
