I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
