you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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