so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
