it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize