if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
lets start a swedish sibling band together
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize