yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
