Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
