Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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