the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
