I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
