dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize