I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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