3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
