Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
