Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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