I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize