he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
