Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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