He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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