Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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