just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
