I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
