so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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