Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
