it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
