I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
