he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
