Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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