Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
