TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
