your parents love me but you hate me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize