If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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