Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
