FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think my fart just growled at me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
