yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
