Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
