Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
