Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
