Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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