Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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