Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
