I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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