4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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