I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
