Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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