Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
