I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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