I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
