i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
