I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is it because I queefed?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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