I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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