i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
