Did you just see the Batmobile???
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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