Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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