We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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