ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
