Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
